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Slight Rant Warning and MAJOR whining! Do not read this if you don't want to read a pity party. This journal entry is mostly for blowing off steam because I don't have anywhere else to take my frustrations.
I really do NEED a vacation!

You know, I look around me and I get so sick and tired of everyone getting a fucking vacation to brag about but ME! I have not had a vacation in FIVE FUCKING YEARS and that was on me and my husband's honeymoon. I'm sure this sounds like a pity party, but you know what? Let me be selfish for a fucking change!

Okay, I think what triggered this is the fact that my husband gets paid time off and he is allowed to take a PAID vacation for a week or two if he wants. And while I realize that he's entitled to that, it gets so tiring having to watch him go off on his trip with his buddies happily while I am left behind to SLAVE at some crappy job that doesn't offer me vacation time nor does the job appreciate anything I do. The week after next is when his vacation begins, and ONCE AGAIN I will be working while he is off because I can't afford to take a week off without pay because that's the story of my fucking LIFE.

I realize I sound cynical, and I realize that I sound like a bad person and that I sound whiny, but for ONCE I wish I could be selfish and have some time, too. I wish I could take off for a vacation with pay, but since that's not presently an option, I wish I could do it without pay and NOT have to worry about whether or not I'll wind up hurting us. I mean the six months I was unemployed involved my student teaching, not laying around the house collecting a check.

I have selflessly sacrificed for years and what thanks do I get? Hell I couldn't even have the graduation money to myself because my husband made me spend it on the sales tax for my new car rather than letting ME decide how to spend it (another thing that I have been teeming with resentment over). After all, I didn't see HIM walking across the stage to receive his diploma after NINE YEARS of homework, getting fired from jobs, and getting denied employment for being a college student.

I'm sorry for this crappy ass journal, but I guess what it boils down to is the fact that I am constantly stressed out by not getting ANY time off or getting any opportunity to be selfish and spoiled as a reward for all I do and for all I have to give up. I get tired of having to cook all the time. I get tired of cleaning EVERY WEEKEND and doing laundry. I get tired of being stuck in the same fucking routine day in and day out. I get tired of not having anything to myself, not even extra money that is given to me as a gift!

Oh well. I find that my feelings don't seem to be important to anyone, and sometimes not even my own husband understands how I feel. Sure maybe I'll have summers off someday when I become a teacher, but that's only SOMEDAY. I need stress relief NOW. But whatever. Maybe people will finally see things from my POV when I finally lose it and become a basket case.

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• nodame and chiaki by ~mini-sys Seriously, I love this pair and this manga!
• The Phoenix Warrior by =Hardedge-Maelstrom Awesome!
• CS Profile Wandy Hoten by ~Dr-Blindsy OC that Dr-Blindsy uses in our FF7 RP. She's totally awesome both as a person and an artist, and I'd love to learn her style.
• Endless Dream by =Amarantia *FOAMS*


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